Draupadi is a Yasodhara Yoga teacher who lives and teaches in the San Francisco Bay Area. She offers Hidden Language Hatha yoga classes at Bamboo in the Wind Zen Centre where they included this reflection of hers in their quarterly newsletter. Photo provided by Draupadi.I sit on the floor and bring the soles of my feet together. I then slide my forearms under my calves and bend my upper body forward. With a little imagination, I see the arch of my back forming the shell of the tortoise, my arms and legs being the tortoise limbs poking out from under the shell.
It is uncomfortable. It feels like not just my muscles and tendons are stretching but that my bones are trying to lengthen. I lift my knees, which takes weight off my forearms, but then the stretch in my hips is uncomfortable. If I press my elbows into my thighs I notice my shoulders roll back and my spine lengthens. This feels better and I have to maintain my awareness on it or I soon notice my shoulder blades creeping up again.
I think about the tortoise’s shell. I retreat from people and events that trigger my emotions, resulting in my feeling vulnerable. Sometimes the retreat is very quick. I get very quiet and do not interact with what is going on in front of me. Usually my feelings have been hurt and I want to protect myself from further hurt. Sometimes that is a good response. Other times, I am avoiding my responsibility in the situation — probably my pride is wounded. If I have the presence to reflect on my emotional response, I can see that I have some choice in my next action. I can stay in my shell and justify my hurt feelings and perhaps plan some retaliation.
As I lengthen my back and relax my shoulders, I see that when I change how I act, my feelings change. I have a little more space, room to breathe. I don’t have to respond from my emotions, but taking time to listen to them gives me a better understanding of the situation and myself. Perhaps I do need to protect myself or perhaps there is way to lift out of my emotions and respond in a way that respects all.
During the heat of the day in southern California, the tortoise of my childhood friend would retreat to a hole it had dug in the ground. I think there is some innate wisdom in all creatures. I, too, need to take time to be quiet and meditate and reflect so that I might appreciate these gentle reminders that I share this world with all life.