Reviews
"I recommend this book to all sincere trainees as a source of encouragement and guidance on the Path of Endless Service called Enlightenment. Radha: Dairy of a Woman's Search is a valuable addition to the mainstream of works available on religious training."
- Rev. Roshi Jiyu-Kennett
"This is a remarkable book about an extraordinary woman whose dedication to God and to helping humanity is inspirational."
- John White, Phoenix Mind-Expander
"As honest biographical material, this is inspirational."
- Holistic Medicine
Excerpt
2 October, 1955
This morning Sivananda asked me, "You have been to Vasistha Guha?"
"Yes, I have."
"How did you like it?"
"It was like paradise!" I answered reproachfully. He remained kind and smiling. Later he gave me some fruit, but there was something in his look that irritated me. After satsang he went as usual to his kutir in the company of some visitors and the swamis they call his bodyguards.
Suddenly he turned to me. "You like cocoa?"
"Yes," I answered grimly, wondering what the cocoa had to do with anything. I have not come for cocoa - I can drink it much more comfortably, and more cheaply, in Canada - but I followed him into his kitchen. He moved two chairs close together, took his seat in one and offered me the second. The others dispersed, knowing the Master wanted to speak to me privately.
"You are very restless," he said, while the cook, who spoke no English, was making the cocoa. "Why?"
That was too much for me. I burst out, "You should know!" and silently I added, "If you are a guru."
Master remained silent as the tension became almost unbearable. Finally he spoke, "You are very restless. It is time to clear your doubts."
There it was, the word that had been haunting me all these days. In that instant all doubts were gone and an indescribable feeling of peace flowed through my whole body. He continued, "You have been very close to me in previous births. Now you have come again." He paused and I waited, scarcely daring to breathe, lest I disturb this precious flow of thought. Then he said, "I will reveal to you everything, but you must have patience. Wait."
Another long pause, and then, reproachfully, "You kept me waiting a long time. But now you are here."
"But Gurudev," I nearly sobbed, "why didn't you call me earlier?"
"You were so ambitious."
The cook brought the cocoa. I decided to ask a question that had been bothering me. "Gurudev, is it really true that you showed me this ashram long ago, when I was only in my teens? I recognized it at once, but many parts have been built within the last few years and I am now 44. How can this be?"
He answered simply, "There is no space, no time. There is little difference, seen from a distance, between the ashram you see now and the view you saw. Your vision was a projection into the future, but really there is no space, no time." After he had finished his cocoa he repeated, "You have kept me waiting for a long time, but now you are here." With that he got up and left the kitchen.
I did not feel like returning to my kutir so I went down and sat on one of the huge rocks in the Ganges. I had much to think about. Sivananda. Siva-ananda. Lord Siva - the God of destruction of all obstacles. Ananda - bliss. Siva is bliss. Ayyapan told me that according to Hindu belief, Lord Siva is the Compassionate One, the most easy to please. He drank the poison of the world, that is why his throat is blue and he is called Nilakantha. Lord Siva is supposed to be the most forgiving one. Swami Sivananda is the most forgiving friend.
This day I have experienced his understanding. From the sound of my voice, from the expression on my face, he must have known what I was feeling and thinking - my irritation, my impatience, my doubts. Yet he gave me the reassurance I needed.
© 2003 timeless
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